<b>'Very funny on almost every page, wonderfully self-deprecating and very sharp on the ludicrous behaviour of the modern player' - <i>Sunday Times </i></b><br /><b></b><br /><b>'The funniest man in British sport' - Metro</b><br /><b></b><br /><b></b><b>**A <i>Sunday Times</i> Sports Book of the Year**</b><br /><b></b><b>**Shortlisted for the National Book Awards**</b><br /><b>**Longlisted for the <i>Telegraph </i>Sports Book Awards Autobiography of the Year**</b><br /><br />You become a footballer because you love football. And then you are a footballer, and you’re suddenly in the strangest, most baffling world of all. A world where one team-mate comes to training in a bright red suit with matching top-hat, cane and glasses, without any actual glass in them, and another has so many sports cars they forget they have left a Porsche at the train station. Even when their surname is incorporated in the registration plate.<br /><br />So walk with me into the dressing-room, to find out which
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